“It’s all part of life’s rich tapestry,” is one of my overused phrases (whenever I break another limb, for example). I also loved Carol King’s Tapestry album my mum used to play (and which I bought on CD many years later), in which she sings: “My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue.”
Today we visited the famous Bayeux Tapestry, which is not, actually, a tapestry but a very long bit of embroidery (some say an embroidery of the truth). What Wikipedia says about it (link opens a new window)
It is fabulous. Kate and I visited before we were married and I remember being fascinated by it then. The presentation has improved tenfold in the 15 years since. Even the kids were absorbed. As we walked slowly along it, our handheld terminals detailed in English the different scenes and historical facts and all of us found ourselves pointing to intricate details on the “tapestry” itself.
Joe had studied the battle of Hastings last year at school but to see it in real life still brought it home. Strangely the way kids in England now study this involves some lame excuse about Harold having already fought the Vikings in York before rushing south to lose to William, purely because Harold’s army was tired and malnourished. We just cannot take the idea that those French cheese-eating surrender monkeys actually beat us. This is stark contrast to the French who, out of respect for the liberators of WW2 renamed several streets in Bayeux after UK and US WW2 leaders and generals, such as Churchill.
The main thing about the Bayeux tapestry is it gives me a chance to recount on of my favourite jokes:
William the Bastard, as he was known – Guillaume le Bâtard see Wikipedia again (link opens a new window) was standing on the beach of Normandy with his invasion army. He turned to his axemen, pointed to a tree and cried: “Axemen of France step forward and show me your skills.”
The axemen stepped forward an hurled their axes. The axes whooshed and swirled and turned and thudded into the tree in a dead straight vertical line down the centre. There were whoops and cheers and hats thrown in the air.
William turned to his javelin throwers. Pointing to another tree he called: “Spearmen of France, step forward and show me your skills.”
The spearmen stepped forward and furled their weapons. They swooshed through the air, landing in a dead straight vertical line in the centre of the tree. More cheering and more throwing of hats.
Finally William turned to his archers and pointed to a third tree and called: “Bowmen of France, step forward and show me your skills.” The archers stepped forward in two rows. The first row knelt down. All the archers pulled an arrow from their quiver, attached it to the bow, pulled back and let fire. The arrows went everywhere, Axemen and spearmen ran for cover. William was thrown from his horse.
When the chaos calmed down William was heard to cry: “For Christ’s sake, you’ll have someone’s eye like that!”
